advanced

I Want a Lover

A Brief Discussion on Sexual Racism

It used to be so simple to pick up a trick in a gay bar. I'd have a drink, maybe two, walk around, peruse the possibilities, choose a guy, pick him up (unless he picked me up first), take him home, have sex with him. This was a tried and true method that worked in any gay bar, in any city, in any country. It still is, really, but nowadays, it seems that layers and layers of unnecessary complication have been introduced into my routine. You see, I have a distinct preference for a particular type of guy, the type of guy I always look for when I'm looking for sex. My type is so predictable that my friends have a name for it. They call it "wonder bread". Most people call him an average Joe, a humble guy who is usually not described as attractive but also not described as unattractive, a guy who stands out in a crowd because he doesn't stand out in a crowd, a guy who spends his entire life in the middle never straying too far to one side or the other, a guy who is always white, well sometimes he's Latin sometimes Middle Eastern but that's white, right?! I have always held this preference. For as long as I've had a sex drive, my sex drive has led me to other white guys. I've never cared what anyone else thought about the guys I've slept with, never even considered what other people might have thought about my choices. I don't really care what others think about it today, but a certain obscure concept has become so popular, so trendy, that I feel the time has come for me to take a stand, for myself mainly but also for anyone else who has found himself in the same situation and has no outlet for his frustration, providing me an opportunity at last to be the voice of the downtrodden. Alright, alright, I know you're thinking it so let's just call it out into the open, "Downtrodden? Who the fuck does this guy think he is?" Indeed. Anyway, my preference for the average Joe type has always been a sexual preference until the day it became racism.

The Night I Became a Racist

For most of my life, I never gave my sexual preference for white guys, or any of my other sexual preferences, a second thought. After all, everybody is attracted to some people and not to other people. Everybody has a sexual type or types that they prefer to the exclusion of other sexual types. I've met lots of other guys who are only attracted to black guys, Asian guys, blonde guys, feminine guys, name a type of guy and there are guys who are only into those guys. And, yes, certainly I've met other white guys who are only into white guys. So, my sexual preference for white guys didn't seem unreasonable or even unusual to me, but that suddenly changed one night.

I was at Powerhouse, a seriously cruisy bar on Folsom Street. I was in the middle of a conversation with a hottie thinking it was leading to the two of us leaving together when he pointed out an attractive looking black guy standing directly behind me and casually stated that he thought the guy was hot. "I'm not really into black guys myself, but he is easy on the eyes," I replied. Then the son of a bitch called me a racist. The ease with which he threw this insult at me was as surprising as the insult itself. What kind of person calls someone a racist after just meeting him? I tried as hard as I could to walk away without responding, knowing any response from me would undoubtedly cause a scene I did not want to be a part of. I even managed to take three or four steps away from him, but an uncontrollable force from within me caused me to lose control of my self-control. I turned around and said, "(1) Just because some tired ass faggot like you says something doesn't make it true, (2) you've made absolutely no effort to get to know me or understand my point of view, (3) you made a snap judgment based on your own way of viewing the world, (4) considering your obvious personality flaws, you might want to spend more time judging yourself and less time judging everyone else, (5) you're a stupid fucking faggot hypocrite, (6) it's none of your fucking business anyway." And so on and so forth. I mean, I really let him have it. But just as I began to feel relief from the release of my anger, I realized he was already chatting up the black guy and didn't even realize I was letting him have it. He didn't realize I was even talking to him. I found myself standing in the middle of a busy bar, infuriated at having just been insulted, made ever more infuriated by his seeming indifference to his own rude behavior. And underneath it all, there was the sense that I knew he had bested me and gotten under my skin.

But one thing I knew for sure was that I was not a racist!

Since that night, I've been called a racist because of my sexual preference for white guys more times than I could count, and for a long time, I responded in pretty much the same way I did the first time, angry, judgmental, lacking a proper response, well you know. But the more it happened the more I noticed a pattern. None of the guys who called me a racist ever attempted to understand where I was coming from before they threw the insult at me. No discussion, no understanding, just insult. This left only one possible conclusion for me to draw, that these faggots were filled with so much self-hatred that they'd take any chance they got to make themselves feel like they are better than someone else, even if it meant knocking somebody else down.

Sexual Racism Isn't Racism

Since its inception, sexual racism had been purely an academic concept. If you happened to be on the right campus of the right school and in the right building, it's possible that you could have heard sexual racism being discussed openly. But that would be an extremely rare occurrence because even within academic circles, the concept of sexual racism was not well-known by many people. That seemed to change all of a sudden one day. Suddenly non-academics were aware of and eager to discuss the concept of sexual racism. I don't know what sparked this sudden shift in the popularity of the term, but it must have been something pretty big because today, you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who hasn't at least heard of it. Sometime in the late 2010s, a controversy was sparked in the gay community about the inclusion of race in the search capabilities of gay dating sites. It was a trendy little controversy that came and went pretty fast, but it was trendy long enough for a bunch of queens with nothing going on in their lives to latch onto the term and start hurling it in all directions. Finally, a cause they could get behind.

The problem is that sexual racism isn't even racism itself. Let me explain. Racism is defined as prejudice against people of a particular race based on the belief that they possess characteristics that make them inferior to other races (Jefferson, 2015). Racism is characterized by discrimination that prevents people of particular races from realizing the same rights and freedoms as everyone else (ibid). So, for something to be racism, there must be (1) prejudice against a certain race, (2) belief that this race is inferior, AND (3) an effort to suppress the equality of the people of that race. I freely admit that my sexual preference for white guys is a prejudice against people of certain races, but my preference is not based on a perceived inferiority of guys who are not white, nor does it prevent anybody from enjoying the rights and freedoms they are entitled to. It does prevent some guys from having sex with me, but everybody discriminates when it comes to sexual partner selection based on their preferences, so this is normal. Anyway, let's move on. Sexual racism is a bias for or against potential sexual romantic partners on the basis of their perceived racial identity to the exclusion of those of other races (Robinson & Frost, 2018). OK, here is the problem. Notice that this definition only satisfies the first criterion of racism, prejudice against a certain race. Therefore, sexual racism isn't even racism.

---

Absolute Absurdity

Now that I've established that a sexual preference for white guys really is just a preference for white guys and, more importantly, it is not racism.

1. Human preferences develop from a complex combination of biological, psychological, and cultural factors that influence human decision making on an unconscious level (Little et al, 2011). Because that influence occurs on an unconscious level, we have no control over our preferences. In contrast, racists have control over what they believe, but despite knowing their beliefs are wrong, they consciously choose to hold onto them.

2. Sure, I can choose to have sex with men I'm not attracted to, just like opinionated faggots can choose to keep their useless opinions to themselves, but we all know neither of these things are going to happen.

3. The concept of sexual racism holds that white gay men who do not have sex with guys who are not white are racist simply because they don't have sex with guys who are not white. Following this logic, men who do not have sex with women would be misogynists, young guys who don't have sex with older guys would be ageists, skinny guys who don't have sex with bears would be weight phobic, and so on and so on and so on. Obviously, none of these suppositions are true, just like a sexual preference for white guys being sexual racism is not true.

4. Those who oppose a sexual preference for white guys don't seem to be bothered by a sexual preference for Asian guys, black guys, or any other race. They also seem to be just fine with black guys who only have sex with other black guys or Asian guys who only have sex with Asian guys. Most hypocritical is their seeming agreement that it is acceptable for black guys or Asian guys to prefer white guys. It's just not acceptable for white guys to prefer white guys. Think about that for a minute and try to make sense of it.

Article Particle

In recent years, scores of gay men have felt empowered to voice their opinions about sexual racism not just in bars but everywhere. These opinions litter every corner of the Internet. On the surface, they seem to approach the topic of sexual racism from many different perspectives: how it harms the self-image of minority gay men, how it perpetuates the anguish of slavery, how it impacts the gay community as a whole, how everybody suffers from it, and so on and so forth. Despite this seeming wide range of approaches, all of these articles suffer from the same misguided, short-sighted flaw. Not only does the writer believe his opinion is right but he also believes he holds the morally higher ground. These faggots are so deluded of their own sense of superiority that they don't even bother to provide support for their claims.

1. "Yes, Sexual Preferences Based on Race Are Still Racist" by Cole Forster (2015). Forster writes, "Sexual racism is a form of racism and therefore indefensible by claims of preference. It is self-evident that discriminating against certain races in romantic or sexual circumstances is categorically racist". The only this guy accomplishes in this article is to display to the entire world what a total fucking idiot he is. The astonishing lack of support for any of his claims makes this article nothing more than an opinion piece and leaves him with as much credibility as the amount of support he provides. Just because somebody says something is self-evident does not make it self-evident. Being so obvious so as to not need proof is what makes something self-evident. Forster makes a bigger fool of himself with every sentence of this article. The worst of it comes when he attempts to distinguish a sexual preference for white guys from other sexual preferences, stating that a sexual preference for blonde guys is not racist, just like a sexual preference for short guys is not racist. While both of these statements are, in fact, self-evident, neither of them prove or disprove whether a sexual preference for white guys is racist or not. This article is so absurd that after reading it I didn't know what to laugh at first, the idiotic ideas posited in the article or the idiot who wrote it.

2. "Dear White Gay Men, Racism Is Not 'Just a Preference'" by Phillip Henry (2018). Henry states, "Only black people can be discriminated against for being black." This statement is, in fact, self-evident, but it is such a stupid statement it calls the author's credibility into question especially considering that it is the primary argument to support his claim that a sexual preference for white guys is racist. Henry is quick to paint himself as a victim. He says that, when someone who holds a sexual preference for white guys acknowledges this preference, it perpetuates racism, and it causes gay minorities to feel pained, a pain he has had to tolerate his entire life. His article never addresses the question of how he is harmed when I have sex with a white guy. Henry seems to blame American culture for what he perceives as the problem, but ultimately, he just comes across as a angry black man with a chip on his shoulder. If that seems racist to anyone, I apologize.

8. In an article written by Donovan Trott, he literally states that gay, white men are not permitted to have a sexual preference based on race. He doesn't suggest it. He doesn't imply it. He explicitly states it. In fact, it's the title of his article. As if that isn't insulting enough, he uses the entire opening paragraph to talk down to gay, white men, telling us that we are too dumb to understand racism, that we are so clueless about racism that we can't recognize it when it happens, that we are basically good guys although we do bad things like not having sex with guys of all races. He then states that we are permitted to do this and permitted to do that, but we are not permitted to turn down sex from a guy who isn't white. Who the fuck does this guy think he is?

I'll leave you with this one thought. Any article that professes to be credible but does not provide a solid basis for the claims it makes and the conclusions it draws is like digital toilet paper. It might be good enough to wipe your ass with, but that's about it.

Callander at al make an important point that just because an individual is not sexually attracted to certain races does not mean they wouldn't want to work, live next to, or socialize with people of those races or that they those races are inferior to them (2015). Society as a whole can view yu e racial preferences as bad, while at the same time viewing racial preferences in romantic or sexual partners as not bad.

sexual racism is more than simply excluding members of a racial group as potential sexual partners (Han & Choi, 2018). Let's take a step back... Consider that these articles are meant to be persuasive. Let's say, for instance, that every gay white guy who holds a sexual preference for other white guys read these articles and are so moved by the extraordinary intelligence of the authors that they instantly run out of the house, find the first black guy they see, and rip his clothes off. Is this what they expect? Not at all. In fact, they are not expecting to change anybody's behavior. They just want to shame us, make us feel bad about ourselves so they can feel better about themselves. They dislike themselves, and rather than face that pain, they direct it outwards to anyone they can. They convince themselves that they hold the moral high ground, and this makes them feel superior. These are pathetic human beings. Human sexuality is, by its very nature, not an equal opportunity endeavor. Everybody holds preferences in their selection of sexual partners. To call out one perference without considering the myriad of other preferences is short-sighted and stupid.

Works Cited

Callander, D., Newman, C., & Holt, M. (2015). Is Sexual Racism Really Racism? Distinguishing Attitudes Toward Sexual Racism and Generic Racism Among Gay and Bisexual Men. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 44(7), 1991–2000. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-015-0487-3

Forster, Cole. (2015). Yes, Sexual Preferences Based on Race Are Still Racist. Retrieved from https://thegatewayonline.ca/2015/09/yes-sexual-preferences-based-on-race-are-still-racist/

Henry, Phillip. (2018). Dear White Gay Men, Racism Is Not "Just a Preference". Retrieved from https://www.them.us/story/racism-is-not-a-preference

Jefferson, Tony. (2015). What is Racism? Othering, Prejudice and Hate-motivated Violence. International Journal for Crime, Justice and Social Democracy, 4(4), 120–135. https://doi.org/10.5204/ijcjsd.v4i4.261

Little, A. C., Jones, B. C., Debruine, L. M., & Caldwell, C. A. (2011). Social learning and human mate preferences: a potential mechanism for generating and maintaining between-population diversity in attraction. Biological Sciences, 366(1563), 366–375. https://doi.org/10.1098/rstb.2010.0192

Robinson, Russel K & Frost, David M. (2018). LGBT Equality and Sexual Racism. Fordham Law Review, 86(6)

Stember, C. (1978). Sexual racism: The emotional barrier to an integrated society. New York: Harper & Row.

Trott, Donovan. (2018). An Open Letter To Gay, White Men: No, You're Not Allowed To Have A Racial Preference. Journal of Sexual Behavior, 5(3), 44.

---